Take a journey of self-discovery and personal growth with these powerful tips for reparenting yourself. Through these tips, you can learn how to heal your inner child and create healthier relationships with yourself and others.
Are you feeling stuck in unresolved emotional wounds from your past?
Do you unknowingly carry patterns of behavior that were created as a result of childhood trauma and experiences?
It may be time to reparent yourself.
What does it mean to be your own parent?
Don’t worry, we’ll get there.
In this blog post, we’ll explore powerful ways to help heal your inner child through what is known as “self-reparenting”—the process of nurturing, loving, and accepting yourself just the way you are.
We all need someone to give us unconditional love, so why not learn how to give that same level of acceptance and comfort back to ourselves?
After all, you deserve it!
So let’s dive in to this reparenting journey together!
This post is all about reparenting yourself.
Reparenting Yourself 101
What does it mean to reparent yourself?
Before we hop into how to reparent yourself, let’s first explore the concept of what reparenting is.
Reparenting is essentially the process of giving yourself the love, care, and attention that you may not have received as a child.
This practice can help heal childhood wounds and improve overall emotional health.
Now this doesn’t necessarily mean our parents did a bad job, but nobody is perfect.
There’s always new research coming out, and even with the most supportive parents, there’s a good chance there are still some painful memories from your childhood.
The first step in reparenting yourself is to identify these unresolved emotional issues.
This can be done through journaling, talking with supportive family members, therapy, or self-reflection.
If you’re nervous about going to therapy, don’t be.
Therapy can be immensely helpful in providing a safe space to process and heal emotional wounds, and through therapy, I have learned so much about myself and certain emotional triggers I have.
Once you have become more self-aware of these issues, it will be easier to recognize them and work to develop self-compassion in order to heal.
This means approaching yourself with kindness, understanding, and empathy, which I know can be harder than it seems.
Why reparent yourself?
In our adult life, we often carry with us unresolved issues from our childhood.
Perhaps our parents weren’t present or emotionally available when we needed them the most.
Or we may have experienced some form of unresolved trauma that was never addressed.
Reparenting yourself is all about filling in those gaps and becoming the kind of parent you needed but never had.
It involves being kind and compassionate towards yourself, acknowledging your feelings, and validating your experiences.
By doing so, you can heal old wounds, gain a deeper understanding of yourself, and learn to love and nurture yourself in the way you deserve.
Ultimately, reparenting yourself can help you create a life that feels more fulfilling, meaningful, and authentic.
How Can Reparenting Help You Become a Better Parent?
As parents, of course, we all strive to do our best for our children.
However, sometimes our own experiences growing up can make it difficult for us to be the parent we want to be because of certain baggage and emotional triggers we carry with us.
This is where the concept of reparenting yourself comes in.
Essentially, it provides us with the unique opportunity to look at how our own painful experiences are still impacting us and then actively work to heal those inner child wounds.
By doing this, we become better equipped to handle the challenges that come with parenting
For example, if you grew up feeling neglected, you might struggle with showing affection towards your own children.
Or if you grew up with parents who considered feeling sad or angry as “bad behavior” then you may feel extra triggered when your children express their own emotions, since you were never allowed to do so.
It’s not an easy task to confront our past and work on ourselves, but the rewards in terms of our own personal growth and our ability to parent our children in a healthy way with mutual respect are immeasurable.
[RELATED: Gentle Parenting: The Pros, Cons, and Our Personal Journey]
9 Powerful Ways to Start Reparenting Yourself
1) Begin to Understand Your Inner Child
Reparenting ourselves involves understanding our inner child and the emotions, basic needs, and fears that little girl or boy holds.
So, what does your child self feel like?
Well, it can feel vulnerable, scared, and in need of love and security.
As we grow up, we develop coping mechanisms to protect ourselves, but some of these mechanisms no longer serve us and can actually limit our growth and happiness.
Reparenting yourself means identifying those problematic behaviors and replacing them with new ways of showing up for yourself and nurturing your inner child.
The video below gives an amazing illustration of what it means to reparent your inner child.
2) Recognize Unhelpful Patterns
Reparenting yourself is all about understanding those dysfunctional patterns and working to replace them with healthier ones.
Learning to recognize those patterns takes time and practice, but it’s a crucial step in the process.
I didn’t realize the reason for most of my emotional outbursts until I really started to dig deep.
The parenting books and courses I took after my daughter was born, also helped open my eyes to some of the childhood experiences I never even realized were still hurting me today.
Start by taking note of the situations or triggers that tend to bring about negative emotions or reactions.
Then, pay attention to your thoughts and physical sensations in those situations.
Are you feeling anxious?
Angry?
Sad?
Once you start to recognize the patterns, you can begin to replace them with more positive, productive responses.
3) Create a Safe Space
We all need a safe environment where we can feel comfortable expressing our most vulnerable feelings without fear of judgment or criticism.
Many of us may not have grown up in this kind of environment, but it’s essential to prioritize creating this for ourselves, both at home and in our relationships.
One way to do this is by surrounding ourselves with people who are supportive and empathetic.
When we have a core group of friends or family who contribute to our safe place, we can confidently open up and be our authentic selves.
This also means, most importantly, we need to BE OUR OWN SAFE SPACE.
Oftentimes, we’re our own harshest critics, but negative self-talk has no place here anymore.
When we have a space where we can express ourselves freely, we gain a better sense of inner peace and emotional stability, and that space starts within ourselves.
4) Explore & Express Your Feelings
It’s easy to tell ourselves that we don’t have the time to sit and explore our emotions, or that we’re too busy to delve into the reasons why we feel the way we do.
But taking just a few minutes each day to sit with our feelings, and allow ourselves to express our difficult emotions without judgment, can make a world of difference.
I started using this Honest Mom Journal a few months back and it has been so helpful to take just a few minutes each day to just sit with my thoughts.
When we take the time to explore our emotions, we give ourselves the opportunity to gain insight into their underlying cause.
Maybe we’re feeling anxious because we’re worried about a deadline at work, or maybe we’re feeling sad because we miss someone we haven’t talked to in a while.
Whatever the reason, acknowledging and expressing our emotions as part of everyday life can help us understand ourselves better.
5) Identify & Reclaim Your Needs
One of the most important things we can do for ourselves is to identify the needs of our inner child that were not met when we were younger.
Maybe we didn’t get enough validation or affection growing up, or perhaps we didn’t feel seen or heard by our parents.
These sorts of unmet needs tend to be our triggers as we become parents when our children are “not listening to us” or pushing a limit all self-consciously remind us of those feelings.
Whatever it may be, acknowledging these mental and physical needs is an important part of the healing process.
From there, we can work on finding ways to reclaim them.
This could include setting healthy boundaries with others, nurturing our inner child through self-care practices, ending unhealthy relationships, or seeking professional help to unpack and process past traumas.
6) Connect With Nature
Sometimes we all need a break from the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives.
Getting outside and reconnecting with nature is a great way to do just that.
Even a short walk in a natural setting can do wonders for your mental health.
Being surrounded by greenery, fresh air, and natural sounds can be incredibly calming and restorative.
And if walking isn’t your thing, there are plenty of other ways to get in touch with nature – think gardening, bird watching, or even just finding a quiet spot to sit outside and relax.
7) Understand the difference between harmless and toxic coping mechanisms
When it comes to coping mechanisms, it’s important to know which ones are actually helping you and which ones are doing more harm than good.
Harmless coping mechanisms are the ones that make you feel better in a healthy and sustainable way, like reading a good book, going for a run, or seeking professional treatment.
On the other hand, toxic coping mechanisms may feel good temporarily, but can ultimately be damaging, like suppressing your feelings, binge eating, or drinking excessively.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of relying on toxic coping mechanisms without realizing it, but taking the time to analyze and understand your patterns can help you achieve more healthy habits and a happier you.
8) Embrace and celebrate your successes, no matter how small
Reparenting yourself can be a daunting task, but the fact that you’ve taken the initiative to do so shows you’re already on the right path.
Traumatic experiences are part of the human experience, but you’re doing the hard work of working through those unresolved traumas and creating new habits.
Celebrating your successes, no matter how small they may seem, is a key part of the process.
After all, you’re trying to break generational cycles and become the best version of yourself for your kids.
It’s not about being perfect, but about making progress towards your goals.
Every little victory is something to be proud of, whether it’s setting boundaries that were difficult to set or simply acknowledging your own feelings.
So don’t be too hard on yourself and keep celebrating those small wins.
You are a good parent.
You’ve got this!
9) Practice affirmations to remind yourself of your worth and value
Reparenting yourself can be quite a journey: revisiting past hurts, redefining boundaries, and rediscovering your true self.
And amidst all that, it’s easy to forget just how valuable and worthy you are.
That’s where affirmations come in.
These simple yet powerful statements can help you rewire your mindset.
You can start by choosing affirmations that speak to you and reflect the qualities you want to embody.
Maybe it’s “I am worthy of love and respect”, “I choose to be kind to myself today”, or “I am enough as I am”.
Repeat these affirmations to yourself daily, maybe even write them down or say them out loud.
This Peacemakers Affirmation Cards deck is made for use by kids in their calming corner, but I love them as reminders for myself too.
And remember, every time you practice affirmations, you’re one step closer to reparenting yourself with love and compassion.
How to Get Started on Your Journey
So now you’ve learned a little bit about what it means to reparent yourself and why it can help you to become a better parent.
To sum up, reparenting is a great way to gain the life skills and understanding you may be missing when it comes to parenting yourself.
You’ll become more aware of your own needs, allowing you to better meet the needs of your children.
Taking time to research what strides you can make in terms of self-care and learning more about deep emotional healing are both essential steps in the reparenting process.
Don’t think that just because these things take time they don’t matter; allowing yourself space and patience for this process to work will bring change, growth, and greater understanding.
In reality, the work is never truly done.
Above all else, remember that it isn’t too late to learn how to better nurture yourself and others around you.
If you’re ready to start the journey toward becoming a better parent through reparenting, Generation Mindful has my favorite reparenting resources and courses that can get you started!
Definitely take a minute to check them out, even if you’re not quite sure yet.
[RELATED: Generation Mindful shares “4 Reasons to Re-Parent Yourself”]